It worked for a while. However, our sex life took a hit and I stopped being pushy about foreplay during ovulation time.
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Sometimes he loses his erection if foreplay goes on a while. Then, he got one of those fetish hoods. I allowed it on occasion because he liked it so much.
He says it helps him relax because it blocks out sights and sounds around him no distractions. Then, he started wanting to wear it more and more, and now, almost daily, his preference is to put on the hood and lock himself in the closet and leave me a key. He masturbates and will be in there for hours. Fast forward to now.
He almost always wants to go sit in the closet with his hood on before sex, to grow his erection, I suppose. I have found myself wanting to stray.
I love him, so much…but I feel unwanted and undesired. Just as a side, he also has social issues, too. He refuses counseling and I just feel stuck. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual s.
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Judging from your description your husband has some serious sexual and relationship problems. Sexuality between a married couple is an important part of intimately relating. Your husband keeps himself in a closet mastubating and trying to get an erection.
It is no wonder that you feel lonely. In the closet he locks you out. The lack of foreplay and kissing serves to make you feel more lonely. This is not the way a married couple is supposed to relate to one another. Sexual relations are a shared and mutual way for couples to show their love and reinforce their commitment to one another. Part of the role and importance of foreplay is to husband and wife to increase and intensify their sexual feelings prior to sex.
It makes no real sense that foreplay causes your husband to lose his erection. It is supposed to do just the opposite. That is part of the reason I point out that he has sexual problems.
Foreplay intensifies the interest and pleasure of the woman just as it does for the man. That is part of relating.
Yet, he seems to ignore the part of sex that has to do with his relationship with you. Where is his concern about your pleasure and your feelings? Even though he says that he does not want to go to therapy, you can insist on the two of you going together.
After all, what you are describing is not simply a problem of his alone.
If he believes you are telling him to go alone, he may feel blamed and embarassed. Knowing that you are going together for the both of you just might relieve some of his resistance to going. In other words, unless things change you may not be together even though you love him.
This is the truth and can also be a motivating reason for him to join you. If he insists on not seeing a therapist, it might be a good idea for you to see someone for yourself. Therapy is a good way to sort these feelings out. It can also be a way for you to move towards separation if he sees no problem and does not want to change.
You mention feeling tempted to have an affair.
However, separation and divorce offer the chance for you to find a more suitable partner without making you feel guilty because you think you are cheating. Your husband needs help and so does your marriage. Seeing someone jointly can be a way of getting him to seek help for himself.
For those seeking addiction treatment for themselves or a loved one, the MentalHelp. Our helpline is offered at no cost to you and with no obligation to enter into treatment. With that in mind, would you like to learn about some of the best options for treatment in the country?